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CHELM-ON-THE-MED©, December 2008 - Column 2


    In accommodation to the local climate, there was once an Israeli pop music program on the radio entitled Cat-in-Sandals, but in January temperatures can drop in cold snaps making ‘Cat-in-Boots and Fur Coat' just as appropriate.
    Thus just before Christmas eve, the Ministry of Agriculture warned that not only curiosity can kill the cat: Before starting a vehicle in the winter, one should knock several times with force on the hood to wake any alley cat that may lurking inside. Often in cold weather felines find shelter next to a warm motor explained Dr. Deganit Ben-Dov, the veterinarian responsible for preventing cruelty to animals. Knocking them up in the morning (as the British say) can save up to nine lives. If the cat doesn't come out in the open, one should by no means yell at it, she warned, because a scaredy cat will freeze. Rather, Israeli motorists should place a bit of tuna fish on the curb, be patient and wait for the cat to appear.



    Everything comes to those who wait, at least for 29 year-old Ronny Lzerovich-Gliko. Like countless other Israeli IDF vets, followed three years of service in the Israeli army, she spent another four years taking orders - waiting on tables at a restaurant in her hometown Kiryat Tivon while going to school. Although graduated to the role of manager after graduation with a degree in human services, Lzerovich-Gliko was ready for a real change: Thus, having squirreled away her earnings and tips all these years, she challenged the owner to make her a partner in his pricey French bistro.
    Instead the restaurateur bowed out, selling his former waitress Shalev B'Yaar (Idyll in the Forest) - stock, crock and wine barrel. The fresh but far-from-inexperienced owner is hardly idle herself, but insists she hasn't piled too much on her plate working 7 AM to after midnight parallel to being a new mom, rather than four shifts a week as a waitress. 
And speaking of waitresses and change - hers don't work for tips... .



    A Sderot resident was feeling like a million dollars - or to be exact 5,051518 million NIS, having won the football pools...but not for long.
    Two weeks later, during the Cast Lead campaign he landed in the hospital, seriously injured by a Kassam rocket that almost landed in his lap while walking to synagogue.
His lucky day? Another stroke of luck, in not loosing his life? Not if you ask his neighbors, who've apparently never heard of a half full cup. Clucked their tongues, they claimed the still unidentified big winner had actually run out of luck.

* a "Jewish head'



    General (res.) Moshe (‘Bugi') Ayalon was not about to become but another talking head along side a string of former brass lining up to serve as commentators for the media.
    Instead, he headed for the front to assist the war effort during Cast Lead tit-for-tat...or tit-by-tit, if you wish: Arming himself with an olive green water-proof apron and grabbing a pair of galoshes*, the former chief-of-staff and #9 on the Likud party list hunkered down to milk the cows at kibbutz Nachal Oz adjacent to Gaza in cognito, until news leaked out when a Scandinavian camera crew spied Ayalon down in the milking parlor and blew his cover.

* Clarification: With a small ‘g', referring to a pair of rubber boots, NOT the Soviet Russian anti-ballistic missile, codename Galosh



    How does one get anglo-saxon Jews to go live in the Galilee and on the Golan? Preferential treatment with peripheral perks, says Nefesh b'Nefesh - the ‘one-soul-at-a-time' non-profit that assists Jews from English-speaking countries make aliyah.
     So, in addition to regular assistance to new immigrants like covering student loans that prevent recent college graduates from making a new beginning in Israel when they're still young, Nefesh b'Nefesh together with the Russell Barrie Foundation is out to entice 250 to 500 families to settle on the geographical periphery by pouring $10 M into an out-of-the-box vehicle: Those who opt to settle in target communities in the hills of the Galilee and the Golan - from Carmiel to Katzrin - will be eligible for a free car, ranging from a family sedan to a brand-new Jeep- depending on family size.
    And oh yes, there's a juicy 100,000 NIS (approximately $26,000) bonus, to get started...which considered the cost of Israeli gasoline should be enough to fill the tank of gas-guzzler Jeeps with juice during the initial two years the newcomers are entitled to the car.



    During the Cast Lead campaign, Islamic Jihad sought to erode Israeli morale with a photo of the organization's war booty after two weeks of fighting which they claimed had been kept under wraps "due to security considerations". What did this prize include? Not just a LAU missile tube, a walkie-talkie and a handful of rifle bullets. The terrorists proudly display a can of kosher hotdogs that had fallen into their hands.


* Copyright© 2008 by Daniella Ashkenazy. All rights reserved worldwide. For limited usage, see FAQs. All stories are completely rewritten by Daniella Ashkenazy from news items gleaned from Yediot Aharonot, unless another news source is stated.