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CHELM-ON-THE-MED©, JANUARY 2016 COLUMN 1

 

DON’T MISS

THE 7TH ANNUAL CHELM AWARDS FOR 2015

CLICK HERE

  

A CHELM-ON-THE-MED SPECIAL REPORT

The Jihadi Wave of 2015

a mixed bag of piquant

BACKPAGE NEWS FROM THE FRONT

GLEANED FROM ISRAEL’S HEBREW MEDIA

December 25 – January 6, 2016


JANUARY 2016 COLUMN 1
  

 

FRIENDS OF FRIENDS OF FRIENDS…

To understand Israeli networking in action, wrap your head around the following sequence of events: During the shooting attack on Dizzengoff Street in Tel-Aviv, the dog of one of those seriously wounded at the pub, Ido Lazan, fled in flight. 

            Several hours later, another Israeli, Uriah Ron was going to visit a friend at an apartment nearby and noted the same little dog that he’d seen an hour earlier on his way up (thinking the owner must have left him there to go upstairs for a moment) was still in the stairwell Now realizing the dog must be lost but without realizing the circumstances Ron called a friend who was involved in rescuing stray animals. 

            She sent him a post making the rounds in the social media asking for help finding Ido’s dog – posted by his brother Tsahi Lazan who knew the dog had been at the pub and his brother’s first question after surgery would be – what happened to Jango? 

            Ron compared the mixed breed at his feet with the picture on his smartphone…and called another friend whom he knew…whom he knew knew the Lazan family personally. Within a short time the someone arrived to take the dog to a vet to be checked over and to turn him over to Ido’s family…but not before the famished canine happily devoured a meal of cat food, revealed Ron. (Ynet)  Photo credit: Tsahi Lazan

 

SEASONED ISRAELI SALAD

If one needs proof of Israel’s complex mosaic, it’s all rolled up in the Knesset’s most junior parliamentarian - Amir Ohana (39) - Israel’s first* openly-gay parliamentary candidate to be elected by fellow party members in open primaries to serve in the Knesset - just sworn-in after a seat was vacated mid-term by a fellow party member. 

            No Ohana isn’t from the social democrat Mertz party or something like that. He was the founder of the Likud’s Gay Pride section in 2011. 

            In his short inaugural speech* the newly-minted MK and veteran attorney-at-law said he stood at the rostrum to take his oath of allegiance “against all odds”…but Ohana, an ex-GSS  agent, also defies any attempts to neatly pigeonhole gays declaring: “I’m here…everything of who and what I am, what is a matter of choice and what is not…and proud of both.  A Jew. An Israeli. a Mizrachi, a homo, a Likudnik, a hawk, a liberal and a free economy proponent. They all come together” – citing (as is traditional in swearing-in ceremonies in Israel) his parents, his marriage partner and their two twins – all of whom were present in the gallery. (Yediot, Israel HaYom)

 

* He was preceded by Meretz party MK Professor Uzi Even who entered the Knesset briefly for three months in 2002, after his party’s leader resigned. Ohana’s short ‘inaugural address’ can be viewed here

 

GRAVE TROUBLE

A hoodlum from a Haifa suburb fled to Russia after the nogoodnik got wind that Israeli police were about to arrest him on suspicion he was an accomplice to a murder.

            Going to every length to protect her offspring, his mother cooked up a doozy of a scheme to bring her son home to Israel, free of charge: switching identities with the suspect’s brother (i.e. her other son) who, conveniently, died of an illness while on a visit to Russia. All she needed to do was to switch the name of the ‘occupant’ on the bill of lading for the coffin, then tell Israeli authorities that the fugitive from justice had been murdered in Russia and his body had been flown to Israel – artfully closing the murder case with no one the wiser.

            Everything went splendidly for several months, until police called the bereaved mother in for questioning over a clerical issue, where she confessed to the ruse.

            And where was the ‘dead’ suspect all this time? Still lying low in Mother Russia. (Israel HaYom)

 

TORN BY GRIEF

A doctor is suing the Haifa Hever Kadisha (burial society) for injuries he sustained in the course of his mother-in-law’s funeral.

            The physician was asked by members of the burial society, who are salaried public servants, to help them carry the stretcher on which his mother-in-law rested.* He agreed but in the course of the funeral procession tore a muscle in his shoulder. The suit argues that “carrying a corpse to the burial plot and its interment is the full responsibility of Hever Kadisha. Asking the 62 year-old plaintiff to carry the stretcher with its 75 kilo load, without any training to do so while ignoring the rough terrain, constituted a departure from their authority, and exploitation of the deceased’s family in their grief.” (Yediot)

 

* according to Jewish law there are no coffins at most Jewish cemeteries – except in IDF military funerals; bodies are wrapped in shrouds and carried to the plot on a wheeled stretcher. Recently, it was announced that small motorized carts were being introduced – hopefully ATVs…

 

CHIPS OFF THE OL’ BLOCK

Fourteen year-old Yair Ita put Sderot are on the map.  Not for Kassam rockets.  For the special flavor of the town’s best shawarma joint – Eitan’s,

            The middle school student entered the Israeli sweepstakes to choose the best new flavor for Strauss tapuchips or potato chips. His entry for shawarma-flavored chips based on Eitan’s home recipe won 280,693 out of 600,000 votes. As fate would have it, Strauss’ cracker snack factory is located in Sderot so if Strauss food technologists want to further tweak the taste, the original is just down the block.

            What will Yair Ita do with the 250,000 NIS ($65,780) prize money he just won? The kid says he’s always dreamed of opening…a shawarma stand together with his dad and his sister.  (Yediot)    

 

AN ISRAELI ‘FIRST’

Most countries have custody laws mandating that when a couple separates or divorces the other parent (usually the father) will pay child support to the parent raising the children, until they reach age 18. 

            Only in Israel – where most soldiers doing national service continue to live at home while receiving merely symbolic ‘take home pay’ – child custody laws stipulate a minimum 1,000 NIS* ($263)  a month child support throughout the kids’ compulsory military service in the IDF. (Yediot

 

* the minimum up to the age of 18 is 3,000 NIS