CHELM-ON-THE-MED©, SEPTEMBER 2013 COLUMN 2

COURTING JUSTICE FOR JESUS

Israel is used to ‘lawfare’ – attempts to use legal means to harass, isolate, and ‘criminalize’ Israel by accusing the Jewish State and Israeli nationals of trumped-up war crimes and human rights violations. But a Kenyan lawyer who recently filed a suit with the International Court of Justice at the Hague had a more ancient ax to grind. 

            The former spokesperson for the Kenyan Judiciary Dola Indidis wanted the court to ‘overturn’ the trial of Jesus and the court’s verdict “as a violation of human rights” and annul the legal proceedings as “judicial misconduct.”

            The charge was brought against the State of Israel, but the Jewish state wasn’t alone in the docket; the Republic of Italy was named a co-defendant by the Kenyan. Apparently even UN institutions have their limits when it comes to Israel bashing: The ICJ ruled that they couldn’t pillory Israel in this case.  Was there a statute of limitations after two thousand years? No.  The ICJ said it has no jurisdiction in such a case since it “settles disputes between states”… (YNet, Legal Cheek.com)

* Luckily the ICJ didn’t consider the Kingdom of Heaven a polity. 

 

REGAINING HER VOICE

When a fire broke out in a Givat Shmuel apartment on the outskirts of Tel-Aviv, first fire fighters led two elderly residents to safely, then went back into the smoking flat to rescue their beloved female talking parrot. 

            Initially, the bird, which had inhaled quite a bit of smoke, looked more like a dead duck. Nevertheless, paramedic Kar’an Biton spent a full 20 minutes reviving the feathered fire victim with a combination of whiffs of pure oxygen and a dose of TLC – stroking the bird’s breast until the talking parrot opened her eyes and began to squawk. 
 

ON THE BEACH

Remember the story about the Kfar Saba pilot project for ‘reverse’ bookmobiles – where the books are housed in bus shelters, awaiting workers with a long commute?

            Well, now Tel-Aviv had launched a library on wheels too, with a no-less-specialized clientele: Frequenters of a popular north Tel-Aviv beach  called the “Peeping Tom Beach.”*

            The open hours for the 500-book kiosk will be identical to the hours the life guard is on duty, and since you asked…‘No’ - the life guards won’t have to check books in and out.  Like  Kfar Saba’s bus shelter libraries, the beachside book nook will work on an ‘honor system’ and readers can take and return books at leisure.

* Chof Ha-mitzitzim in Hebrew, named after a 1972 cult flick - Mitzitzim (Peeping Tom) - filmed at the beach. 

 

GUESS WHAT – YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!

            We all know about the race to concoct an ‘unforgettable’ wedding proposal or top everyone else’s wedding experience, but Lior Oron (31) from kibbutz Magen combined the two with…a surprise wedding.

            He drove his girlfriend Nurit Chostatsky (28) from her home in neighboring kibbutz Nir Yitzchak to his kibbutz’s swimming pool where supposedly a birthday party was in progress for a 70 year-old aunt.

            The hopefully-bride-to-be arrived with a birthday cake suspecting nothing, only to find the guests were assembled, the rabbi was waiting, and  the food was laid out…along side a choice of five wedding dresses and two bridal bouquets.  

            All Nurit Chostatsky had to do was ‘say Yes’…

            Twice.  

            Maybe the couple can apply to Guinness as ‘the shortest engagement on record.’ 

 

STRANGE AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT

Four Yemenite fishermen were apprehended on suspicion of smuggling arms but all the Israeli navy found on their boat was hash – 100 kilograms (220 lbs.) to be exact. Hauled into port and then into court, the four, who suffice it to say hadn’t taken passports with them on the ‘run,’ were handed over to the Ministry of Interior instead of the police.  

            Why?

            Israel doesn’t have diplomatic relations with Yemen.  It took four months to cut through red tape until the International Red Cross was able to obtain travel documents for the foursome to be sent them home via Egypt. But that wasn’t the end of their trials and tribulations.  

            The fishermen were taken into custody by Yemenite authorities upon their return – not for drug smuggling. They were arrested for “visiting Israel.”

 

TALK OF GOOD TIMING!

The owner of a home design chain discovered to his dismay that he’d fallen victim to a 120,000 NIS ($33,333) sting’ operation designed by one of his store managers.  But before he could sign the complaint he was registering with the police or even let loose with a sigh with despair, the 46 year-old businessman got a phone call from the National Lottery – Mifal Hapayis  telling him his subscription lottery ticket number had just raked-in 125,000 NIS ($34,722). 

            It all goes to show that not everything comes to those who wait.  Sometimes rewards just miraculously appear out of nowhere. 

 

JUMPY RESIDENTS

The Pillar of Defense campaign in November 2012 was marked not only by one hundred Palestinian rockets fired from Gaza at Israeli civilian settlements in the south. For the first time, a rocket landed just south of Tel-Aviv in Rishon Le’Zion during the flare-up.

            Rishon Le’Zion authorities swore that during the eight-day campaign in November 2012, their personnel were working around-the-clock…but nine months later 24 employees are all at the end of their 9th month of pregnancy, and that doesn’t even count agitated rank-and-file Rishon residents who after the first boom jumped into bed instead of seeking shelter under the bed or in the hallway– giving birth to a minor local baby boom in the Tel-Aviv bedroom suburb.