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CHELM-ON-THE-MED©, JUNE 2012 COLUMN 1

CASH AND CARRY

A respected Bnei Brak couple who found themselves strapped for cash decided to turn their progeny into a cash cow.  Did they sell her eggs (which run $10,000-25,000 per harvest in the United States, according to the Atlantic Magazine)? Did he 'donate' sperm (a much less lucrative but enjoyable exercise)? 

            Nope. The young couple placed an ad in Yeted Ne'eman, a newspaper that serves the ultra-religious community – offering to name their fourth child after a "good man"…for a price.

The ad was directed towards wealthy couples who are dying to name a baby after a deceased* parent or grandparent, but are unable to have children of their own to carry the name. If there was more than one offer, the wife clarified that the name would go to the highest bidder – provided the candidate's credentials checked out.

            Were there takers? So it seems. When the reporter Akiva Novick called the number listed in the ad several days after it appeared, he was told the 'position' had already been filled.

 

 * Jews never name children after living relations so you won't find 'Haim Yankel Jr' in the telephone directory.

 

 

DOUBLE TIME

A bill before the Knesset will give harried working wives of army reservists a break…in fact more than a break.  According to the proposition, when their husbands are in reserves, wives will be eligible to leave work an hour early every day that hubby is on active duty – without their salaries being docked. The law will cover all couples – including women called into reserves whose spouses are left to 'hold the fort' for the duration.

            The law – designed to share the defense burden - is being sponsored by ten members of Knesset from the Right-wing Likud party to the Left-wing Meretz party.   

 

 

STYLISH BURGLARS

Rather than ransacking the house for cash like any respectable thief would do or taking off with the owner's laptop, an exceedingly selective burglar in the Sharon area didn't even take any jewelry after breaking and entering a villa in Hadera. The discerning but uninvited guest helped himself to the lady of the house's priciest apparel, taking only a handful of designer dresses by internationally-renowned couturiers.  A few days later, elsewhere in the Sharon region, another dwelling fell victim to the fashion-conscious thief:  This time the burglar took off with the occupant's sexiest Victoria's Secret lingerie, snatching several designer purses and some handsome jewelry on the way out. 

Did we say 'he'? Police told the papers they have not canceled out the possibility that the perpetrator is a woman or a gang of women.

 

 

UNKNOWN JEOPARDY

As if periodically dodging Kassam and Grad rockets is not precarious enough, inhabitants of the south suffer from an additional hazard:  Giving birth to newborn infants with an inborn iron deficiency. 

According to a study at the Barzilai Hospital in Ashkelon women in early pregnancy who faced stress triggered by the 2008 Cast Lead campaign gave birth to babies that had a significantly lower  iron count as fetuses*, than the babies of women in the control group who were expecting in more tranquil times

Iron levels impact on oxygen levels in the bloodstream, and physicians believe an iron deficiency during gestation might have irreversible effect on cognitive abilities and energy levels, for life.  

Will iron supplements do the trick?  Or is a foolproof Iron Dome the healthiest palliative for expectant women.

 

* based on blood harvested from the umbilical cord just after birth

 

 

STAFF OF LIFE

A few months ago, Chelm-on-the-Med featured the story of an eye surgeon who sent his patient's husband straight to ER with a heart attack, saving his life, not just his wife's sight.  Diagnostic skills aren't limited to certified physicians.  Or nurses. They 'come with the territory' it seems.

             Masudi Ben-Hamu, a janitor at a Nahariya doctors' clinic with 30 years experience mopping floors at the Emergency Internal Medicine Department, floored medical staff with a similar swift life-saving diagnosis.

            Ben-Hamu took one look at a fellow helping a buddy break down and remove equipment from an adjacent pharmacy undergoing renovation.  Dropping her gummie (squeegee), she insisted fifty year-old Aharon Lugassi - who had broken out into a cold sweat and was looking queasy – drop whatever he was doing and undergo an EKG in 'her department' on the spot.

            Internist Dr. Bashara Bashara also took one look at the reluctant walk-in and sprang into action to intervene, while calling for an intensive care ambulance to evacuate Lugassi - who was in the midst of a massive heart attack (that the patient himself had diagnosed as an oncoming cold) - to the nearest hospital.   

            Masudi Ben-Hamu told reporters that for 30 years she has been eavesdropping on the conversations of the doctors as she cleans, , and is well-schooled in the state of the art

 

 

THROWING AROUND NAMES

As deputy mayor and head of education, culture and sport at city hall, Osnat Cohen is a household name in Tiberias.  Thus, when someone called a local merchant saying she was Osnat Cohen and she needed five pairs of sport shoes on-the-double, the shopkeeper immediately accommodated, handed the pricy merchandise – running 2,500 NIS ($666)  a pair - over to a runner who popped in to pick up the purchases. 

Alas, it turned out the sports store owner (and countless other Tiberias merchants) had been duped by an imposter on a rather ingenious shopping spree.  Cohen admitted it was "flattering that her name immediately opened doors," but quickly issued a belated warning to all members of the local business community to beware of name droppers taking her name in vain.